The second you announce a pregnancy, you’ll discover that everyone is a parenting expert. You’ll get advice from all kinds of people, young or old, whether they have kids or not. Some will come as genuine advice, while some will come as criticism.
There will always be an endless supply of advice on what you should do as a parent. Some will be good and some terrible. And sometimes, the loudest voices are the least qualified ones. You’ll be told what to feed your baby, how long to let them cry, and what kind of school will “make or break” them. It’s a lot to take in.
But just because many people say something doesn’t make it accurate. Some of the most popular advice you hear about parenting could actually be quite harmful if followed blindly. Every child is different, and what works in one family might completely backfire in another.
Think about these common examples:
“Don’t pick them up too much – you’ll spoil them.”
This outdated advice just won’t die. You’ll hear it from someone eventually, probably while you’re cradling your crying baby. But science, and common sense, say otherwise. You can’t spoil a baby by holding them. Responding to their needs builds security, not bad habits.
Babies who are comforted and held when they need it actually grow into more confident, independent children. Connection comes before correction. If your little one wants cuddles, give them freely. You’re not spoiling them, you’re teaching them that love is safe, steady, and always there when they need it.
“Give them what they want. They’re just kids.”
On the other hand, once they get a little older, you’ll start to hear this one…
You’re in the grocery store, and your child starts making a fuss. They want ice cream. You have a “no ice cream before dinner” rule, so you say no. Your child starts to scream.
Before long, you hear the voice of a kind old lady say, “Oh, he’s just a child. Let him have it.” You feel the stares of people around you and finally you give in. After all, if your kid is screaming because they want something, it can be hard to say no.
But giving children whatever they want is not a good idea. If you give your child an iPad, ice cream, or video game just because they whine for it, you raise entitled children.
Over time, they learn that persistence and noise equal rewards, and that’s a hard habit to break.
Your children will start to feel like they deserve to be given things simply because they want them. Kids like these grow into entitled adults who have difficulty fitting into society, handling rejection, or working toward goals. Learning to hear “no” is a crucial life skill.
“Boys will be boys.”
This one might be said with a shrug, but it sends the wrong message. Excusing bad behavior or lack of empathy just because a child is a boy teaches them that they don’t have to be accountable. Kids of any gender need to be taught kindness, respect, and boundaries.
If your son hits, shouts, or acts out, he doesn’t need excuses, he needs guidance. Boys can be gentle, caring, and responsible too. Let’s raise kids who know that decency isn’t tied to gender.
“You turned out fine, so do it the same way.”
This one usually comes from well-meaning relatives. But parenting evolves, and so does knowledge. Just because something was “fine” decades ago doesn’t mean it’s best practice now. We know more about child development, mental health, and emotional intelligence than ever before.
You don’t have to recreate your own childhood to be a good parent. If you want to break cycles, communicate differently, or parent more gently, that’s growth, not rebellion.
“Ignore them when they cry.”
You’ve probably heard this framed as a way to toughen up kids or make them independent. But emotional neglect doesn’t create independence, it creates insecurity. Children need to know that their feelings matter and that someone will listen, even when they’re upset.
Ignoring tears or tantrums doesn’t make those feelings disappear; it just teaches kids to hide them. Instead of shutting them down, help them name their emotions and work through them. That’s how real emotional strength develops.
“Be your kid’s best friend.”
Many people think they need to be their child’s friend before they are a parent, and not the other way around. This is because many parents fear their children will not like them. But this also is not good advice.
There is a difference between a friend’s role and a parent’s. A friend is willing to overlook minor deficiencies in character, while a parent knows that if you catch certain behaviors early enough, they might not become habits.
Parents don’t ignore behavioral issues, hoping their child will grow out of them. That leads to inconsistent parenting. Kids actually feel safer when they know where the boundaries are. They may push against them, but those limits give them structure.
It’s a fine line between friendliness and authority. As a parent, you have to set boundaries and stick to them. You can still have fun, laugh, and connect deeply with your child, but you’re not equals, and that’s okay. As your children get older, they will be grateful you enforced the things you did.
“Keep them busy.”
Some parents have internalized this advice to the point where their children get very little rest. They fill their children’s schedules with so many extracurricular activities that they barely have time to breathe. Piano, football, art club, swimming, coding, it never ends.
Many people are afraid of their children being bored or understimulated. But the reality is that boredom is not always a bad thing. For a child, it can give rise to wonderful hobbies. Boredom sparks creativity, problem-solving, and independence.
Free up their schedules on some days and see what they get up to. You could be quite pleasantly surprised by the outcome. Maybe they’ll pick up a book, draw a comic, or build an imaginary world from cardboard boxes. Downtime is not wasted time – it’s when growth and imagination thrive.
“They’re just a kid; let them win.”
You let them win any games you play with them. If you don’t let them win, you reward them for a mediocre performance. This is an unhealthy practice. You are robbing them of one of the essential lessons life has to teach.
Overcoming failure, learning to deal with shortcomings, and accepting responsibility for losses are important things to learn. Letting them fail in a safe, supportive environment builds resilience. They’ll learn that losing isn’t the end of the world, it’s just part of learning.
You aren’t doing your kid any favors by preventing them from making mistakes or shielding them from the consequences of the ones they do make. Real confidence doesn’t come from being told you’re the best, it comes from knowing you can handle it when you’re not.
“Constantly tell your kids they are intelligent or gifted.”
From a very early age, some parents do this. The child thus grows up thinking they are more intelligent than everyone else and that life will be easy because they are so smart.
Of course, your children aren’t stupid, but they’re also probably not the rare geniuses you told them they were. But here’s the thing. Discipline trumps intelligence in most cases. Being smart doesn’t matter when you don’t have the discipline to work hard or finish what you start.
Instead of telling your children that they are smarter than everyone else, teach them about the value of hard work and discipline. Praise their effort rather than their talent. “You worked hard on that” is far more powerful than “You’re so smart.” It teaches them that success comes from persistence, not just natural ability.
You’ll hear some good advice as a parent, but bad advice will always be out there. The trick is learning to filter it through your own instincts. Your way of parenting may be just what your child needs, even if it doesn’t look like everyone else’s.
Do what works in your house for your kids and ignore the judgment and unsolicited advice, because it’ll never stop coming. Trust your gut, stay consistent, and remember: you’re raising a future adult, not just keeping a small human happy for the moment.
Raise your babies your way and that’s the only advice you really need.
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